The Green Cafe

This is something I thought I would never ever do, why? because I see and read what restaurant critics do and think they can be harsh and a little overzealous, after all they are being paid to eat at top notch places and then write about it.

Last night we went to The Green Cafe which is right on the river in Dinham, Ludlow, they are mainly a cafe not a restaurant which opens in the day but they have started opening on certain evenings and last night was advertised as a Slow Food event, you had to purchase tickets in advance and the tickets had a time on them, we were asked to be punctual as tables were limited and that is a fair enough ask. We arrived at 6.20pm as our tickets were for 6.30pm, there we seven of us, including my husband three children and our two very good friends.

Now before I re-run the events of last night I wish to point out that me and my friend have been there plenty of times during the day and the food and service have been very good, couldn’t fault them in fact and this is what made us so eager to try the evening event, it really is in an idyllic spot, the outside seating drifts right on to the river and you can hear the mill wheel gently humming in the background and lots of mallards going about their business, you also get fly fisherman standing on the weir casting the rod in hope that they might land a trout, it clearly has to be one of the many reasons that makes Ludlow such a popular tourist destination.

It was pouring with rain when we arrived but we did manage to park in one of the roadside spaces. On entering the restaurant about half the tables were already occupied, we were seated right next to the counter in clear view of the open kitchens, there were three front of house staff and the Chef who owns it (Clive Davis) and a sous chef were all clearly visible from our table.

The ales and beers that were part of the event were all from local breweries, my husband had a pint of Hobsons Old Henry which he said was a really good pint of beer, I on the other hand had a local apple juice the sort that is cloudy and fresh and unprocessed and one bottle was definitely not enough, the children had various things from milk to dandelion and burdock all of which they enjoyed.

The problems began to set it when the waitress came to take our order, everyone except my friend ordered the steak pie, she duly wrote this down and scuttled off to the kitchen to hang the order on the clip, around two minutes later she came back and said I’m sorry but there has to be a 50/50 split on each table??? what? nowhere on the pre-purchased tickets did it say this, the choice was: Steak pie, Pink beef salad or mezze for a vegetarian option, as the waitress was trying her best to explain that the chef (Clive Davis) had ordered her to say each table had to have a 50/50 split between the salad or the pie, he was stood at the entrance of the kitchen hanging on her every word to us and carefully watching our reaction, we were all taken aback by this rule that appeared from nowhere and was not advertised on any of the tickets or promotional leaflets, she said if we all asked for pies then the chef said whom ever came later to dine would only be left with salad, so we tried to figure out how we were going to do this, in the meantime she went back to the kitchen and then came out and said we can give the children linguine and then you are allowed three pies, the children will happily eat pasta and they were quite happy to accept this (in fact there isn’t much my children won’t eat they have mature pallets because I cook so many different things at home)but at the same time we had paid exactly the same price for their tickets as ours, I also wish to point out that I never mind paying for decent food so the price wasn’t an issue but the change was, it felt like we should have been apologising to them, all this while being watched by Clive made for an uncomfortable atmosphere.

As the food arrived the children’s pasta came out first which was linguine that had been tossed in a very feint tomato sauce and nothing more, it was cooked and seasoned well but as any parent will agree, most children like sauces and there was nothing like that on the plates, which may be fine for an adult but not for children especially when the menu had been changed.

My friends veggie option arrived which was not mezze at all but a plate of pappardelle with a scattering of broad beans over it, she had to ask if there was any parmesan available as none was offered. Two pies came out along with a pink salad and I had to say that we had ordered three pies a face was twitched and the salad got taken back to the kitchen, we then had to wait while the rest of the food was going cold for the remaining pie to be served. The plates consisted of a single steak and potato pie with green beans and a trickle of gravy across the side of the plate. The pies were delicious the pastry was crisp and crumbly, the meat melted on the tongue it was in essence a good pie, the beans were cooked to perfection but at no point could I find a single potato in that pie anywhere and neither could my husband or our friend and everything was served on cold plates.

We had started to eat when the nearest table to us was being served their food, one of the ladies had also ordered the mezze and again without warning was served the pappardelle so she said to the waitress this wasn’t what was ordered and it was sent back to the kitchen, as the rest of the food was about to be served, Clive flew out of the side door and was on the table shouting and ranting at them and said if they didn’t like what he served then they should leave, it was a vicious assualt and the table in question had a child the same age as my son and this is where Clive was stood ranting worse than Gordon Ramsey has ever done on tv, the child was clearly distressed and the people on this table had the good sense to say “ok then we will leave” with great dignity and no retaliation at all, from what I could gather the manageress came over and tried to sort it out and she said to them “I don’t blame you for leaving, I can only apologise” she was clearly embarrassed with what had gone on, and you could have cut the air with a brick, nobody who was still dining knew what to do.

There were puddings on offer but we really didn’t feel like we wanted to stay any longer so we asked for the bill, paid and left.

I’m sure that all the foodie people that Clive has as friends and contacts will no doubt jump on me from a great height as I am a nobody in the food world, I am not paid to eat out and be a critic, I am not a trained chef nor am I a professional food writer, what I am however is a paying customer who has a right to an opinion as everyone else and never before have I seen such disgraceful behaviour, I was hoping to write something here about how marvellous the place was as I’ve already recommended the cafe by day to many people, sadly this will not be the case any more and yes you might have only lost one more customer but bad news spreads quicker than good and someone, somewhere in or around Ludlow deserves an apology.